I am not the prettiest--that I'm sure of. There are girls with skin fairer than mine; hair more manageable than mine; and lips poutier (I searched and there is such word) than mine. And every one of them are beautiful.
To be told that I am beautiful never cease to put a smile on my face. It's like their opinion on how I look matters. Really matters. As if not hearing it from anyone makes me less beautiful. Since then, my confidence seems to rely on their opinions.
It does not feel good.
I relied too much on what they think that I forgot to believe in myself. Because of my want to get drunk on others' compliments, I had little confidence left in me. And it made me helpless. Insecure. It seems that every decision I was supposed to make needs approval from someone.
Every rejection thrown my way hurts me. And I was like that for a long time. An approval-seeker.
Thankfully, I woke up from that nightmare.
Staring in the mirror, I saw the person I am. The person people see on our first encounters. The girl with thinner upper lip, unruly dark curls, and olive skin. The girl I know who is not the prettiest.
Not everyone will call me beautiful. They have their own preference. They will have their own checklist before they can consider me beautiful. But it doesn't matter. It won't matter. Not anymore.
I learned how to appreciate myself more. All those I thought were flaws are what makes me me.
Besides, I have eyes that holds the depths of my being; hands that can hold you always and not let go; and a heart that can love relentlessly. Being beautiful is not all about appearance.
Ang ganda ko. A line I will always tell myself for now I know that I am truly beautiful.
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